It’s February 2001 and I am on the verge of 30. I see it clearly. It’s staring me right in the face, getting ready to laugh at me as I go by. 30 is really no biggie. There is nothing wrong with 30. The problem? I am not who I thought I would be at 30. I had this idea that when I was THAT old I would have become this wonderful person, this giant of spiritual faith, this patient, loving mother, this caring devoted wife, this thin beautiful woman who people would never guess had birthed 4 children! You can see why I was so distraught. I mean, just the “thin” thing alone would have gotten me down. But all of other fantasies together really added up to totally devastation!
Fast forward. I’ll be 37 in a few days and taking stock again…I always do that. But this year is different. Why? Have I overcome some major flaw? Not really. Have I become more patient and loving? Well, some, but I don’t know if it’s me or the kids who have changed. Have circumstances in my life improved? No. This has probably been the hardest year of my married life.
So why am I not depressed about hitting 37? After all, that’s almost 40! I think it’s just time. In time, I have changed. In time, my kids have grown. I am not changing diapers every 10 minutes, and these guys are turning sort of human. It’s pretty cool.
Did I have something to do with all of this? Maybe. I kept on doing the things I knew were right, but mostly because Doug made me.
G.K. Chesterton wrote, “Time is the brush that God uses to paint the masterpiece of our lives.” Time-- that’s pretty simple. After all, it’s going happen whether we want it or not.
Tim Lambert
says, “There are two things you can always depend on: the total depravity of men and the sovereignty of God.” Well, I can attest to the truth of the first. I see it every day in my own life and in the news. That truth overwhelms me when I least expect it.
But the comfort is that over time--throughout all the ages, in fact--Gods sovereignty reigns supreme. Not just in all the world, but also in my little life, in my dirty little home, in the life of the husband He has been so gracious to give me, and in the hearts of the children I am striving not to mess up!
Time has not really improved my circumstances or my personality (darn). It has, however, offered me something else: peace and the comfort of knowing--really knowing--that God is sovereign. Knowing that this One Who is the Master Planner loves me, warts and all. So in truth, time has changed something – my perspective.
So, if you are feeling overwhelmed with your circumstances, with your kids, with your man, with who you still are…give yourself some time. Or maybe accept the fact that time is happening. That time is doing its work with you and your husband and your kids. But remember that the One who set time in motion knows where you are. He has not forgotten about you and is orchestrating all the events in your live for only one reason – His love for you.
